Wow, I'm surprised to how long I haven't updated my blog. I used to tell all my stories here, no matter how random they are :P. Maybe because I have twitter and tumblr too, so I kinda updating them more often. Okay, so now I will write about something.. a bit deep. Kinda saddening but I know we have to realise it sooner or later..
What's being my concern now is the issue of time. Yes, time as in time, the one we passed by everyday and every seconds. I'm feeling that time go passes me too fast recently. Not just recently, it's just now i feel like i'm really old. I realize that there are many times and events which i know i could do it (with a little more effort), but i didn't. And that what makes me miss the past so bad. I'm in my last year in college now, in the last semester to be exact, and i'll be soon graduated. But i'm not feeling i did my best all this time. There are lots and lots of things that i wish i did, but i didn't. And now reality check: i'm 21 going 22! Twenty one years of life that i've waste, i never did something extraordinary, something big, or haven't graduated yet. And recently, i found some place that i know i could expand my knowledge and network, yet i found it in my last time of school. That was my last chance and i really should find something else to do, i still haven't figure out what it is yet (may God help me to find it and enriched me).
I hate myself when i have nothing to do. I hate myself everytime i feel like i'm the most useless person on earth. I look at my left and my right... I even haven't go anywhere outside this country!!! That's really saddening, and it makes me upset. Sometimes i think that i should blame my parents for this, for being the first child when they got no idea what to do to me, so they just put me at home. But really, do i have to point on someone? It might be their fault, they might did the wrong thing, they might late in finding me things, but it's my fault as well for not work harder! Life has never been easy on me, i'm not like other people who gets what they want by giving a bit effort. My efforts should be big, and i never gave my best effort as long as i can remember.. that's one lesson. Now, i must try harder. I must giving all my best effort no matter what. When i reached my first achievement, which was None Jakarta Timur, i was 19 years old. I remember perfectly what i was thinking at the time, "Wow, i'm 19 and can get all of this? I must be very good." That's one mistake! Never think that you are good enough on something, beacause it'd ended up u're sitting around and being satisfy to yourself, doing nothing. Next thing you know you are missing everything and time will just laugh at you. Oh my God, i need inspirations now.. in what i should do, and in what i should earn. First, i will finish my school this July no matter what. I will not forgive myself if i ended up breaking my own promise :'(
Second, by the time i graduated i must already have something to do and to earn. Some achievements! I know that these are too good to be true and really are too high goals, but i need to push myself. Somehow i know that there's something inside me that can do all those things........
even more.
Godspeed, God will help.
What's being my concern now is the issue of time. Yes, time as in time, the one we passed by everyday and every seconds. I'm feeling that time go passes me too fast recently. Not just recently, it's just now i feel like i'm really old. I realize that there are many times and events which i know i could do it (with a little more effort), but i didn't. And that what makes me miss the past so bad. I'm in my last year in college now, in the last semester to be exact, and i'll be soon graduated. But i'm not feeling i did my best all this time. There are lots and lots of things that i wish i did, but i didn't. And now reality check: i'm 21 going 22! Twenty one years of life that i've waste, i never did something extraordinary, something big, or haven't graduated yet. And recently, i found some place that i know i could expand my knowledge and network, yet i found it in my last time of school. That was my last chance and i really should find something else to do, i still haven't figure out what it is yet (may God help me to find it and enriched me).
I hate myself when i have nothing to do. I hate myself everytime i feel like i'm the most useless person on earth. I look at my left and my right... I even haven't go anywhere outside this country!!! That's really saddening, and it makes me upset. Sometimes i think that i should blame my parents for this, for being the first child when they got no idea what to do to me, so they just put me at home. But really, do i have to point on someone? It might be their fault, they might did the wrong thing, they might late in finding me things, but it's my fault as well for not work harder! Life has never been easy on me, i'm not like other people who gets what they want by giving a bit effort. My efforts should be big, and i never gave my best effort as long as i can remember.. that's one lesson. Now, i must try harder. I must giving all my best effort no matter what. When i reached my first achievement, which was None Jakarta Timur, i was 19 years old. I remember perfectly what i was thinking at the time, "Wow, i'm 19 and can get all of this? I must be very good." That's one mistake! Never think that you are good enough on something, beacause it'd ended up u're sitting around and being satisfy to yourself, doing nothing. Next thing you know you are missing everything and time will just laugh at you. Oh my God, i need inspirations now.. in what i should do, and in what i should earn. First, i will finish my school this July no matter what. I will not forgive myself if i ended up breaking my own promise :'(
Second, by the time i graduated i must already have something to do and to earn. Some achievements! I know that these are too good to be true and really are too high goals, but i need to push myself. Somehow i know that there's something inside me that can do all those things........
even more.
Godspeed, God will help.