Hello everyone!


I'm moving out! I just feel that I need something else than this site. I've been here since 5 or 6.. oh wait, 7 years ago! hehehe. not that i hate this blog, I just need a fresh fresh start for my, emmm adulthood?

So anyway, please visit my newly established blog (even though it still has posts from this blog) but only for the sake of 'memories' :P

And also, please follow "A Pinch of Remedy" of mine :)

Hatachi no sensou ~ war of the twenties..

there will be times when you feel small,
when you hate the way you are,
when you feel useless,
when you feel insecure,
when you have regrets,
when you wish you have another fate, another path, another face, another selves,
when you're not satisfied of yourself,
when you don't know what to do yet everyone else seems to find their passions,
when everyone else is settled and you're not..

when you think you should give up searching, looking, and chasing..whatever you wish to find.

when as you grow older, you become even more clueless of what you want to be...

when you running out of time, and no one can save you but yourself..

when you can't feel emotions, and all you wish to have is to experience your younger days once again..

...

...

i still don't know how to finish this post.. yes, unlike my usual self, i don't have any comforting words even to assure myself.. right now.

well, there are times like this.. when you solely wish the Almighty, the Great God will be the one who save you and drag you out of this mess. one can only believe, and that believe is the only thing that i hold on to.. in time like this.

Messing up, and another departure of a friend.

another day-off. another one-day-closer-to-another-workday :( i'm in this phase where i don't really like what i'm doing. not really bored but i suddenly feel not good at what i do, that kind of phase. this week, feels like i didn't do well on my job. i messed up pretty much everyday. i might upset my supervisor a lot, but i just feel overfull. i once afraid that i will like the job i'm doing, but it turned out i messed up a lot lately, what does it make me? hahaha.

tomorrow is another workday, and i have this nervousness and butterflies in my stomach that i have to ask apologies to my boss and supervisor. ahhhh i really really hate it when i messed up! one side that i'm (quite) a perfectionist person but when i reached boredom phase in my life, i could become a careless and annoying person (forgive me to say this).

***

today was another refreshment to meet my high school friends. sadly, it was because we were brought together in my friend's funeral. it was a shocking news, really. another friend of mine, passed away. you can see clearly that my post below, was about my friend who also passed away. and today, this morning, my high school friend passed away. she left a husband and a newborn son already. what really hit me was, her husband (who is also my high school friend) said that she has did a noble job, keeping their son alive, gave birth to it, then passed away when her job is finished. 

hearing it, my tears fell down. it was one of the most noble job a woman could do in this world, but she did it in her young age, my age. she must be rest in peace right now, not suffers anymore, and my prayer goes to her husband (who's also still young) that he can be tough through all this grieve.

and to her son, i wish you really well. stay healthy and grow up well, kid.

It's not how often you meet them, it's the quality of time you have with them.

surprisingly, in the middle of my working hours i'm still able to post something to this blog, hehehe. yeah lawyering can consumed all of your time sometime, but when the load is low you basically can do anything you want, browsing, relaxing, just saving up your energy for the next tides. i wonder what would i write this time, hmm.

well, last week, a friend of mine, even though i don't really know him that close, passed away. he was a Korean college student, member of ALSA, and i met him at ASIAN Forum last year in Seoul. he was a caretaker for Malaysian delegates thus he has that close relationship with my Malaysian friends. my dear Malaysian friend Putet wrote a really heartbreaking post about our friend, his name is Moon Gyu "Daniel" Jung. when first heard this news i felt really sorry that this kind of event happened to our beloved organization. since first joined this community, i've never EVER thought that someone i know in this organization would passed away in their young age. but that's what life is. it was a kind of wake up call and a reminder for me and the rest that life is indeed short and unpredictable. 

as for me, i have many friends that i don't see much or talk often, but still i consider them as my good friends. as you grow up and meet various kinds of people, it's not how often you meet them or talk to them, it's about the quality of time once u meet them. i have good friends, whom I consider as my best friends, even though i don't talk much or meet often with those persons. it is merely because the sense of bonding i felt everytime i met them and from the first encounter i just KNOW that they can be my good friends, whom I care a lot til today. so by this post, i will let everyone know that I will always pray for all of my good friends throughout the world, regardless they remember me or not, regardless we don't talk much or meet often, regardless our business and activities, i love you guys. i do expect to see you again soon.

Let me tell you something about (one of) my dreams.

Since my early age, i have a dream to get to live in Japan in my future. at first i don't know which part of Japan it would be, but as i grew, i decided that i will (somehow) have a life in Tokyo. During my school and college years, i didn't really thought about it much, but recently it has been a daily thought of mine. As time does went SUPER DUPER FAST when you reached 20s, i do feel a bit insecure. I have this strange insecurities to age and growing up. I don't know when will i tamed it, but until now, i still feel that way :(

Okay, back to my Japan plan. Aaa, recently it just stuck in my head. I really really have to go there to do my initial 'adjustment' before I live there permanently (well, eventually, I hope). Even though now I still don't know what to do to fulfill that dream, i don't know i just have this faith somehow. There are just too many things that i want to do and achieve in my 20s. Even I have this boost that I have to do most of them soon! I have to achieved something before I am 25 -_____-"

Tokyo-san, don't run away, hang in there, I'll come to you soon.

this is the part of Shibuya (if I'm not mistaken). I always remember this picture and i think it is still like this today. I remember seeing this picture and have this thought of "I have to come to that HMV!". hehehe. that thought stays until today.

....actually, I'd still take anywhere in Japan outside Tokyo, but I have to know how it feels like to live in the most expensive city in the world, hehe.